Damn That GLEE And Other Stuff
by theatre4life
Summary: The Starkids are given the opportunity of a lifetime - to put Starship on Broadway! But when professional actors replace a number of them and cause drama, will Starkid ever be the same? Contains angry and vengeful Starkids, some Glee bashing, drama, randomness, and Dylan Saunders-level cursing. Slow start, please stick with it! Rated T for cursing. RPF Starkid.
1. Broadway, Here We Come!

**A/N: Okay, so I'm pretty sure this is my first RPF, don't kill me. Sadly, I don't own Starkid. This fic starts off in the late spring/early summer of next year, 2013. Their show is supposed to be Off-Broadway in the early fall, and onto Broadway in the winter. This chapter is kinda short, the other chapters will be longer. Please review! **

* * *

**_Chapter One_**

_What the devil is going on in here? - Snape, AVPM_

"Hey, Joey," Joe Moses said as he walked into the nearly empty rehearsal room.

Joey Richter was there, as was the entire Starkid band of instrumentalists, who were randomly messing around with a familiar guitar...

"Yo, Moses," Joey replied. "Any idea why Matt called us all down here?"

"No idea. Couldn't get Nick to spill either. But hey, we're back in the rehearsal room that we used for Starship! Brings back memories," Joe laughed.

"Yeah..." Joey said, in deep thought. "Remember that time when we took away Brian's Red Bull and banned him from drinking it for a whole week because he kept mesing up his lines?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember that well."

They both cracked up.

"You guys, I think I would die from the memories if we were back at U of M right now," Jaime announced, walking in with Meredith.

"Oh my god, yes," Meredith sighed. "You guys have no idea how bummed I was that I couldn't be in AVPM and AVPS! You looked like you were all having so much fun..."

"Well, you were Hermione for AVPSY," Joey said.

"True dat," Meredith shrugged.

At that moment, Dylan, Darren, Joe Walker, and Jim walked into the room. Darren and Dylan seemed to be arguing about something.

"Yeah, but it's nothing like Twilight-"

"But I'm not going to read it!"

"Have you even seen the movie yet?"

"Yeah, that's why I don't want to read the fucking book!"

"Language, Dylan."

"Shut up, Darren!"

"You guys!"

The 6 foot 5 feet tall Jim Povolo **(A/N: is this correct? I know he's over 6 feet...)**towered over the two men, speaking in his deep voice. That immediately shut the two up.

"What are you guys arguing about?" Jaime asked, bemused.

"The Hunger Games," Jim said in a manner strikingly similar to Margaret from Apocalyptour.

They all started cracking up at this.

"Hey, where's Lauren?" Darren asked. "She usually would have come up with a comeback for that. And...CLARK IS THAT MY GUITAR?" he yelped.

"Sorry, dude," Clark Baxtresser grinned as he threw it to the curly haired boy.

Darren rolled his eyes and caught it as it nearly came in touch with ground.

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! LOOK WHO'S BACK!" Lauren shrieked as she ran into the rehearsal room.

"Ah, there she is," Darren muttered.

"Who who who?" Joey yelped, overexcited.

Brant Cox and Denise Donovan, smiling, walked into the room.

"Wait...Brant?" Joe Walker yelped.

"Denise!" Meredith squealed.

The other Starkids in the room immediately enveloped Brant and Denise into a hug.

"God, I missed you guys," Brant smiled as the group hug got bigger and bigger - Brian Holden and the Langs had just walked into the room.

They all broke apart, still grinning like idiots.

"So wait, why are you guys here?" Jaime exclaimed.

"Why are WE here?" Brian asked obnoxiously.

"You guys, even we don't know, we just wanted to come to say hi!" Denise said.

"Hi," Brant smiled, then jokingly turned around and made it look like he was going to leave. "Just kidding!"

Everyone rolled their eyes and tried to restrain their laughter at the lame joke.

"I was just going to get to that," Nick said. "Matt, you have the floor."

"Yeah, Matt! You interrupted me in the middle of The Lion King!" Joey pointed at him mock-accusingly.

"Well, you guys remember how we've always wanted to be on Broadway, right?" Matt started.

"No shit, Matt," Dylan smirked.

"Let him finish," Nick laughed.

"This guy watched Starship on YouTube and he thinks that it could make it!"

Everyone let out screams.

"You're serious?" Darren asked in wonder.

"On Broadway?" Lauren and Julia gasped.

"Yeah, he commented on our YouTube page and we had an exchange through email. Turns out he's some bigshot producer!" Matt said excitedly.

"So how are we going to Broadway, exactly?"

"Well, I'll tell you about what happened last night," Matt said, smiling.


	2. A Night With The Langs

**A/N: Just to let you guys know, this entire chapter is a flashback, Matt's basically explaining to the Starkids what happened while we're reading it. **

* * *

Chapter Two

_I can't go to Pigfarts. It's on Mars. - Draco, AVPM_

"Yo, Nick!" Matt yelled. "Gonna check the Starkid YouTube page, alright?"

He heard the faint sounds of Nick yelling from his room. _I'll take that as a yes,_ Matt thought, rolling his eyes. Matt went on the Internet, and immediately logged onYouTube. Even if he wasn't posting anything, it was fun to just check in once ina while. He checked the videos to make sure there was nothing that could get sued. (There was nothing, as usual. Well, besides AVPM and AVPS. But you all know that story.) He played around with the background a bit. He watched cover videos of Starkid songs and made mental notes about each of the fans who had sung their songs. And he also checked the comments section. He usually didn't reply to them, but there was one comment that made Matt stop dead in his tracks. He blinked, trying to make sure he was reading the right thing. _Oh my dead god!_ he thought excitedly.

The comment read: _Hello. My name is Tom Ferguson, and I'm a producer for various Broadway shows. One of my friends has always been recommending your shows for a good laugh and a way to get my mind off, thank my wife for stressing me out so much that I started watching all your plays, and must I say that they are incredible! I think that you have a shot at stardom with STARSHIP and maybe even Broadway. PM me if you are interested. I'll give you my email address and phone number once you PM me back. -TommyFergie_

Matt had to laugh at the guy's YouTube account name. Then he really sunk in the message that he had just read. Starkids on Broadway? Starkids on Broadway!

"NICK!" Matt screamed for his brother.

"What, Matty-Matt?" Nick joked as he walked into the room casually, holding a cup of coffee.

"Alright, number one, coffee at midnight? And number two, READ THIS!"

Matt pointed to the screen. Nick scanned the screen, mouthing each word as he read the comment.

"Matt, do you know what this means?" Nick gasped.

"Of course I know! Our dreams are coming true!"

They cheered around the computer.

"Uh huh, what now Trey Parker and Matt Stone? Make way for the new kings of Broadway!" Matt and Nick did crazy victory dances in celebration.

"Well, we gotta tell the other Starshippers!" Nick said.

"Hey, Nick, that's a cool nickname for the Tup shippers...maybe we should start calling them that!" Matt said thoughtfully.

"And we'll have even more Starshippers once Starship hits Broadway!" Nick smiled.

"Alright, you call the Starkids, I'll PM this guy and get his info, you know, figure out if he's legit."

"Oh crap, Matt, what if he isn't and we get the Starkids' hopes up for nothing? They'll hate us like Rumbleroar hates noise!"

"Just tell them, Nick!"

"Okay, okay..."

And so Nick left Matt alone to chat with a stranger.

* * *

"Darren, can't you escape from the wrath of the damn G.L.E.E.?" Nick pleaded over the phone.

"I'll try," Darren grumbled. "But this whole idea of a second Glee concert is totally bizarre. I'm really going to kill Ryan Murphy."

"Please do. Then you can come back to Starkid!"

"Oh, Nick."

"Oh, Darren." Nick rolled his eyes. "So will you?"

"What?"

"Come to the Starship rehearsal room!"

Nick could hear his friend sigh.

"Alright, I'll make a quick stop before we head to- hey wait, aren't we supposed to be in Chicago tomorrow anyway?"

"I hope you are..."

"Yeah, hold on...lemme just call Riker to check...putting you on hold, okay?"

Darren put Nick on hold. While Nick waited, he sat down, got back up, sat down again,and started tapping his feet in time to music playing in his head. "Look at me,I'm the king of New York," he sang drowsily, nodding his head. He checked the time. 1:15 AM. "Suddenly, I'm respectable, staring right atcha, lousy with stature...Nobbing with all the muckety mucks, I'm blowing my dough and goin' deluxe..."

"NICK!"

Nick toppled over onto his bed and picked up his phone again.

"I'm here," he yelped.

"Cool, we're just checking into the hotel and setting up for the show! So it's cool, I'll come over. But why am I coming?"

"I already told you, I'll tell you when you get there."

"God I hate you."

"Ah, sticks and stones, Kate Monster."

"You weirdo," Darren laughed. "Wait, were you just singing 'King of New York?'"

"Yeah," Nick admitted. "You know, you could always start up your YouTube channel again and cover 'Santa Fe' to get the fangirls going..."

"I've heard enough fangirls this tour, don't you worry about my needs."

Darren yawned. "'Night, Nick. See you tomorrow."

"See ya." They hung up.

Nick sighed. Five Starkids down, only a few more to go. He was thankful that Starship had a fairly small cast compared to, say, AVPM and MAMD. If either one of those shows were offered the promotion, and Matt was in charge of contacting this Tommy Ferguson guy, Nick thought that he might die from all the talking. He had already gotten Joe Moses, Julia, Meredith, Jaime, and now Darren. He was subconsciously putting off Brant and Denise until the very last, if only to find a way for the two to get back to Starkid. The last time they had seen the two in person had been AVPSY at LeakyCon last summer. Nick looked over the list of people he had to call. Dylan, Lauren, Joey, Joe Walker, Jim, Brant and Denise. All right. Maybe more than a few. I'm ready to go, Nick thought, unconsciously referencing MAMD.

* * *

Meanwhile, Matt was emailing Tom Ferguson. Turned out the guy had actual credentials, and he seemed legit. Gave Matt (and to a lesser extent, the Starkids) an offer. Had a whole marketing team on board. Seemed to be just as excited as Matt was about this. Was nice and down-to-earth. All in all...seemed totally awesome.

"So we're set for the spring?" he typed.

Matt sent the email to Tom.

"I'll try to find a theater and get it absolutely confirmed," Tom replied. "But you'll definitely get your show on Broadway, I can guarantee it. I also think that another trial off-Broadway in the fall will help you get back in the groove of Starship. I wouldn't want you guys started completely cold."

"You bet," Matt replied, "can't wait."

And with that, Matt pumped his fists in the air victoriously.

* * *

Meanwhile, Nick was having problems with Lauren, who seemed to relish in his misery.

"Lo, I love you, but can you stop messing with me?" he pleaded.

"What do you mean, messing? I'm just doing what comes naturally!"

"If you mean annoying me, you're succeeding in ways you will never understand!" Nick yelled into the phone.

"Yo, Nick, calm down, will you?" A familiar voice rang from the phone.

"Wait...Denise?"

Nick could imagine her smile, grinning as she held Lauren back from the phone.

"Yup, it's me! Hey...wouldn't Yup be a very interesting pairing name?"

"Haha, it would! Up with some girl named Yay or something...hmm, Yay should be a cheerleader...anyway...what are you doing at Lo's? I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Hanging out with the girls. I'm back in town for a bit. Watching Bambi, just finished The Lion King, Beauty And The Beast, and Toy Story."

"Having a cry-fest, I see."

"Yep, Meredith and Jaime are bawling right now."

Nick could faintly hear Jaime yell, "Shut up!"

"Did Bambi's mom just die?"

"...yeah."

"Anyways, I was TRYING to tell Lauren to come to the Starship rehearsal room tomorrow at around 3 in the afternoon. I was going to call you, too. Are you in touch with Brant?"

"Well, I follow him on Twitter and we hang out every once in a while, want me to tell him? And of course I'll come!"

"Sure, I told Joe to do it, you can tell him too to remind him."

"Sure, Brant'll love that. Which Joe?"

"Walker."

"Ah, I see. See you, Nick!"

"See ya!"

Nick hung up on Denise. He made a mental list of each person. Dylan...a barrage of curse words and a "HELL YEAH" when Nick asked him about coming. He seemed kind of drunk...ahem. Joey...giddy excitement. Jim...a deep voice. Joe Walker...yelling and randomness. Nick sighed and laughed at the same time. My crazy friends, he thought, shaking his head.

* * *

"Oh, MAAAAAAAATT," Nick singsonged as he marched into the living room. "You won't believe this, but I finished first!"

"I finished an hour ago," Matt snickered smugly.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

They both yawned.

"What time is it?"

"Summertime."

"Shut up, Nick."

"2:35 AM."

"We should probably go to sleep."

"Yes, yes we should."

"Good night."

"Good night."


	3. Meeting The Stranger

**(A/N: So, I don't know how the process goes in bringing a musical to Broadway, don't beat me to death for getting it wrong in this chapter. And thanks for all the reviews!)**

* * *

**_Chapter Three_**

___Let the records show I am SUPER ahead of schedule! - February, STARSHIP_

"Alright you guys. Try to act professional when you walk in there," Matt said nervously.

They were standing right in front of Tom Ferguson's ofcice. It was the first time Matt and Tommy would talk in real life, and the first time Darren, Nick, Joe Walker and Brian would meet him.

"You'll like him," Matt had reassured them as they walked down the hallway. Suddenly, Joe's phone went off. "Did you get my text? Well, you didn't text me back!" it blared.

Everyone stared at his phone. "Your ringtone's yourself?" Brian asked, amused.

"Shut up!" Joe yelped defensively.

Joe grabbed his phone and answered.

"Hi Joe," a familiar voice whispered.

"Lauren, can't talk now," he hissed.

"Joe, this is important!"

"Alright, what?"

"Er...this is going to sound awkward..."

_Oh yes it is,_ Joe thought.

"But a bunch of Darren's friends from Glee are here and are looking for him."

"Dammit," Joe muttered. "Hold on, I'll get Darren for you."

He handed his phone to Darren, who looked confused.

"Lo wants to talk to you," he said.

"Please make it quick," Darren moaned as he took Joe's talked quickly and urgently with Lauren while Matt accidentally dropped all of his papers, and he bent down on the floor to grab them all. Brian, Nick, and Joe helped him. Darren sighed and hung up.

"So what's new with the G.L.E.E.?" Brian asked.

"Lea's being unsufferable, according to Chris. Naya and Brittany are pulling pranks on the guys. The Warblers have decided to become a barbershop quartet without Blaine Anderson's input. Basically, a normal day for us," Darren shook his head.

"Is the Glee tour anything like Apocalyptour or the Space Tour?" Joe asked.

"Well, it's a bit like the Space Tour, only without crazy backstage videos."

"You guys? I think it's time to go," Matt said.

* * *

Matt knocked on the door. A woman opened it. She looked very business-like and seemed to be the no-nonsense type. Gulp.

"Tom-Mr. Ferguson, the Starkids are here," she announced with pursed lips.

"Thank you, Deborah. Hello," Tom said. "Take a...seats, here," he gestured to the four seats in front of his desk.

The five Starkids looked at each other in resignation. They understood what they had to do.

"Shotgun!"

Brian, Joe, Nick, and Matt all yelled and raced for the four seats, leaving Darren in the dust.

"Sorry, Darren," Joe winked.

Darren just stood there, shaking his head. "You're going down, Walker!"

He forced Joe out of his seat and sat down before Joe could take it back.

"Hey!" Joe moaned.

"Very professional, you two," Matt laughed.

"Very professional, Matt, really, 'shotgun?'"

"You said it, too, Joe!"

"Ahem," Nick cleared his throat.

He gestured toward Tom and the woman. Joe glared at Darren, then stood up.

"Well, let's just forget that happened and press on, shall we?" Tom laughed. "Anyway, it's great to meet you. My friend Lea is a huge fan, as is my niece, Jenni. She'll freak out when she finds out that I'm producing your show."

"How old is she?" Brian asked.

"She's fifteen, her other friends introduced her to Starkid. And these people next to me are my partners," he said, gesturing to the men sitting next to him. "Kent Clarkson, Jack Corbett, and James Jamison."

They all waved as their names were called; Brian had to laugh at the first guy's name. Kent Clarkson...

"Okay," he rubbed his hands together and got business-like. "-which one of you is Matt?" Matt raised his hand. "I'm Matt Lang, I've directed most Starkid productions, including Starship, and I'm one of the main writers for Starkid."

"And your friends?"

"I'm Nick Lang, his brother," Nick said. "I'm one of the main writers for Starkid, including Starship, and I've also played Robin in Holy Musical B man, Kevin in Little White Lie, and Caller Bug and Mister Bug in Starship."

"Brian Holden," Brian introduced himself. "I played Junior in Starship, Professor Lupin in A Very Potter Sequel, Zach in Little White Lie, Superman/Clark Kent and Evil Huckleberry Finn in Holy Musical B man, and I'm one of the main writers for Starkid, obviously including Starship otherwise I wouldn't be here."

"Joe Walker," Joe said. "FYI there is also a Joe Moses and a Joey Richter in the group too...anyway, I played Voldemort in A Very Potter Musical, Umbridge in A Very Potter Sequel, Dick in MAMD (a very un-family friendly musical, okay?), Commander Up in Starship, Batman and Chilly Willy in Holy Musical B man, and I co-wrote Starship."

"And last but certainly not least, Darren Criss," Darren said, smiling.

"Aha! I know you," Tom laughed. "Jenni's also a Gleek, she loves the character of Blaine. But tell me about your past Starkid experiences."

"Well, I co-wrote the music and lyrics with AJ Holmes for A Very Potter Musical, with AJ Holmes and Carlos Valdes for MAMD (the unspeakable musical Joe talked about), and by myself for Starship and A Very Potter Sequel. I also played Harry in A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel, and A Very Potter Senior Year." **(A/N: I didn't list AVPSY characters for Nick, Brian, and Joe because I'm not sure who they played. I just assumed that Darren played Harry. I'll add it in once AVPSY is on YouTube. *is mad about missing LeakyCon...*)**

"Well, you all seem to have a lot of experience," Tom drummed his fingers together. "As I said to Matt a few days ago, I think we should start off-Broadway to sort everything out, and if the reviews are good, we're on to Broadway. I have a friend who runs a theater off-Broadway, I'll contact her. In the meantime, would you like to keep the same cast?"

"Yes yes yes yes a million times yes," Joe and Brian yelled at the same time.

"Eager much," Nick laughed.

"Shaddup," Joe said.

"Well, you all know that Dylan, Lauren, and Jaime would kill us if they got replaced," Darren said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Jaime Lyn Beatty? The amazing belter?" Tom said.

"Yes, that's the girl," all five Starkids said.

"I always thought that she should have had a bigger part in Starship. Perhaps Megagirl?"

"NO," Brian shouted. "Oh my god, no."

"Why not?" Tom asked.

"You don't understand, it's Meredith and she's amazing..."

The other four Starkids stared at Brian. They all knew he was thinking. Brian was completely oblivious to the fact that his crush on Meredith was known throughout the entirety of Starkid, their worst-kept secret from the fandom. Joe always wished that his friend would just go for her. Meredith obviously liked him back, the way that she looked at him...

"Well, we'll only recast if necessary, so don't worry," Tom said.

"Oh thank dead god," Brian and Joe said, relieved.

"So, any other business that we need to discuss?" Tom asked.

"When is Starship set for?" Matt asked. "We need to tell the cast so we can have a few rehearsals."

"Well, that's still not definite yet. I'll call you as soon as my friend tells me that the theater is ready. We're shooting for the late fall, December at the latest, for Off-Broadway. I'm And here's my card," Tom said, handing out business cards to Brian, Joe, Darren, Nick, and Matt. "Call me whenever you need me."

"Thanks, Mr. Ferguson," Matt said.

"Please, call me Tom. Mr. Ferguson is my father."

"All right, Tom. We'll call you if we need you."

They thanked Tom, then exited the room.

"Well, that could have gone worse," Nick mused.

"I was expecting us to be a lot louder," Matt commented.

"You guys, we can't tell Meredith what Tom said," Brian said.

"About what?" Joe asked.

"About her might be getting replaced. I don't want her to feel bad. So don't mention it in front of other Starkids."

"We won't," Darren promised.

And so our heroes walked out of the producer's office feeling more confident than ever.

* * *

**A/N: So, a little Breredith for you guys! ;) As always, please review!**


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